We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
