my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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