My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
