Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
