I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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