She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize