i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
