omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
