Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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