he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
