Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
