We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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