Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
