and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How's work?
Spinning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
