I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
