so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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