It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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