last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
