Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
