i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We left the knife in your bed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
