from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
