i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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