at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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