Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
