well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
