I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My dick has a subreddit
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
