if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
