Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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