I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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