i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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