corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
