Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
