So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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