I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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