i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
