i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
