No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
