he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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