apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
