the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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