it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
