also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
