so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
