You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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