So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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