How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
