i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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