I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize