He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was like his penis was on wheels.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
