i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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