Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
