forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
