I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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