They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
