So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
