I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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