Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
