she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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