six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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