Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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