Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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