Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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