She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
