It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
