There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
