As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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