i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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