They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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