i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
