just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
