Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
