Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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