U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
