Non-Jews are for practice
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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