Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
