Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
