It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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