is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
