dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
