So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
